(no subject)

I've done a switch. As recently as a year ago I was finding it easier to write in english and not spanish, particularly for creative writing such as poetry and fiction. Last year I took a story workshop in spanish, and it's been two years since I took one in english. Now I'm taking a poetry workshop in spanish and a story workshop in english, and while I still have a limited vocabulary in spanish and not as much of an ear for the music, I have written more for the poetry class, and more easily, than for the fiction class.

Then again, maybe part of it is the genre. I've written a few verses here and there in english lately, so maybe for at least right now poetry itself is easier for me. Maybe because I don't need dialogue or a scene, just to arrange words in a way that will make people respond and think I mean something.

I iwsh this general block I have, this inability to do anything but force out words, and this separate but possibly related thing that might be disassociation wouldn't make it so hard to write. Or maybe language really isn't natural for me, no matter that I love to read it. I have no drive towards anything. And I don't like talking. Even if sometimes I want to talk. Lately my idea of a happy paradise is me with my cat and an endless book.

Also, back to english and spanish, I think part of it really is the reading and the university. The classes are in spanish and use texts in both languages, but spanish seems preferred by both students and professors. I also feel like the english classes are dumber than the spanish classes. Just a dumbed down teaching style that frequently makes me think of middle school. Plus I have had professors apologize for giving reading assignments, not to mention whiny students who don't want to read and say they have no time to read.

Of course I don't remember how much of this has been in Spanish classes. The incidents I'm remembering are/were in the English classes. Two of this semester's english classes, both of last semester's, and the one english class of last year's first semester, and the one before that too. And the first english class I had here. So pretty much all of them except for my poetry workshop, to which people did bring poetry and didn't have reading assignments for.

Then again, I've also been reading less, not counting work, and most of what I read before was in English. I wonder if my vocabulary is slipping. My attention span might have, since I'm finding it hard to push myself through assignments now and books or even long blog posts, even though I love those. I now get intimidated by long fanfic when there was a period in which I devoured tons and tons of fanfic and could read the long ones for hours. Now, aside from my taste improving and not always having fanfic I want available, I'm so easily distracted.